Do Relationships Need an Official Status?

Let's talk about love this time.

Do these situations sound familiar?

1. Someone who enjoys flings and affairs just for the heck of it, but when asked about love, he/she says: "Love? Me ganun ba? Kailangan ba ng ganoon?"

2. Two people who are obviously sweet and affectionate to each other (sometimes bordering to PDA or even PDI) but when asked about their 'status,' they would say, "We're just friends/We're still getting to know each other/We're enjoying each other's company." (ahem!)


For the first situation, I have encountered people who are not exactly ready to fall in love, thus they do not engage into any romantic thingy whatsoever. I also know a few people who actually engage into flings and not yet ready to commit. These people, as I observe, love the feeling of 'kilig' and the idea of having someone to be with, but are quite scared to 'stick' themselves to one person and into the relationship. In other words, they like the 'feeling of being with someone' but do not actually want to be with someone.

As for the second situation, this is so Pinoy showbiz. I mean, how many times have you encountered showbiz couples who are too sweet for words but say things like, 'We're still getting to know each other.' Then in a few days, you hear things like, 'Did you know that so-and-so and this-and-that broke up?' and all you can say is, 'Naging sila ba? Hindi ko alam kasi hindi naman sila umamin, eh.'

Which leads me to the most important question in this post:

Do relationships need an official status?


I guess when the person in situation one suddenly becomes close to someone in ways and means beyond normal friends do, that's where situation two arises. The same goes when someone becomes close to person described in situation one, again in ways and means beyond normal friends do. And when situation one and situation two come together, confusion follows.

To be really honest, I hate those people who refuse to put labels into their relationship. Not that it's an important thing, and not that it's required. But not having any description at all (and a true description at that) just creates a confusion to everyone you know. If you guys feel kind of mutual with each other but you (I mean you alone) are not if he/she feels the same way, just say the following:
1. 'We're close, and we're friends, but I personally feel that we're more than friends. I may be in love, but I don't know if he/she feels the same way (or) he/she is ready to accept me as his/her better half'
2.  'I feel comfortable when I'm with him/her, he/she's the best person that I know. I may be harboring special feelings for him/her, but I don't want to commit yet.'
3. 'We're close, and we both treat each other as special people in our lives. But right now, we just can't commit each other in a relationship that everyone accepts. So we enjoy each other's company, but we have the freedom to see other people. Maybe when the time comes that we're sure what we are to each other, maybe we can commit.

Isn't that simple?

In this issue, two things come to mind: commitment and disclosure. These two things, in my opinion, spells the difference between 'in a relationship' and a special civil status called 'it's complicated.' Everyone can treat another person as a special person in their life, and everyone can harbor amorous feelings towards them. But it takes commitment to be able to say that you're an item from that time on. And most importantly, how will you know if he or she is ready to commit if you don't ask, or even admit to him/her your feelings? Only by doing so will make you know if he/she feels the same way, if he/she is ready to commit him/herself, and if he/she is ready to be called his/her beau.


Let me share my experience: Back in the day, committing myself in a relationship is the least important thing in my life. I just got out of a very hard time in my life, and is determined to start life anew. So I got myself into my first job ever, and went to law school at the same time. Then I met him. We clicked in just a few conversations, and it did not take me that long to know that he's the most perfect guy based on my personal standards. However, because of my situation at that time, I was hesitant. I was in my most vulnerable point in terms of emotions, and I think committing myself in a new relationship at that point would be bad for me in the long run. But he proved to me that he is worth the risk that I might be taking, and he did that just by being himself. And so I said yes, but a few moments after we parted ways that day, I was thinking how stupid I was to do that. As I said, I was still emotionally vulnerable, that's why I fell for him very quickly and became stupid enough to be his girlfriend even though we've known each other for only a month and a half.

But turns out, it was the best decisions that I've done in my life. He helped me in 'nursing my wounds,' and made sure I'm taken care of. In return, I learned to give back the love that he gave me. And I realized that I fell for him not because of my vulnerability that time, but because I genuinely felt the love that I never knew I've been missing. Finally, I also realized that I'm more than ready to commit.

And so that makes the third thing that separates 'in a relationship' from 'it's complicated:' courage to take chances. You'll never know if he/she's ready to commit if you don't dare tell him/her how you feel, and sometimes, the only way to know that you're ready to commit is to go for it.