On Body Love and Self-Acceptance

Hiya, guys!

photo credit here

As I'm doing this post I'm watching The Plump Pinay Show -- no, make it catching up with the episodes that I've missed. They usually air Mondays and Thursdays at 6pm and have their replay at 9pm, but most of the time I'm out of the house during those times (you know, school). It's a really good thing that they upload their episodes over at YouTube for their fans like me who could not watch their show on the set airing time.

You heard it right, I'm a fan of these twins and their blog because I totally support their advocacy, and because I'm personally going through a journey towards self-acceptance.

photo credit here

Truth be told, it was a long and hard one. I won't get into much of the details, but to keep it a little short, my parents would ALWAYS pick on my body -- how my tummy would stick out like a pregnant woman, how I would be vulnerable to all kinds of diseases because of my fat body, how I can't wear certain clothes (body-hugging clothes, in particular) -- you know the drill. They would force me (emphasis on force here) to eat less and to work out for two hours, just so I could be as thin as the rest of my family (I'm the 'fattest' in the family, by the way). My sibs, in turn, would also mock me for being big and fat unlike themselves.

Out of frustration, I "tried" doing what they tell me -- I ate less and exercised more at one point of my life. I was feeling good about it until it started to affect some aspects of my life, because I became obsessed with all things weight loss that it has momentarily taken over my life. It has affected me so much that it started to take its toll on my law studies. And a day of The Plump Pinay blog-reading marathon (and a few more readings from other sites to supplement that) made me realize that I don't need to be thin to be beautiful, healthy and happy. 

photo credit here

That line became my personal mantra. And from that day on, I tried my best not to get affected by any ridicule, I tried to live by my own rules (of course without disrespect to my folks), especially now that I'm in my mid-20s and independence due to me is already way overdue.

But as I have mentioned, my journey to self-acceptance is still on-going. I still have bouts of body insecurity, primarily because of my folks still doing that body-mocking-concealed-as-health-concern (boy did they ever change) and other people subtly fat-shaming in front of me. As always, I try not to care about these things, as I have way too many things to think about than being insecure of my body.

Just yesterday, I stumbled upon a quote which was featured in the blog Curvy CEO. The quote was from Daniell Koepke, the founder of the Internal Acceptance Movement, and it goes like this:

"Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Less me. Because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to be too much or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, I suffered. But I’m tired of suffering, and I’m done shrinking. It’s not my job to change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. Even if it makes people angry. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse to shrink. I choose to take up space. I choose to honor my feelings. I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. I choose to make self-care a priority. I choose me.”

Yes, I don't want to shrink anymore -- I want to occupy a big space in this world with this big body and an equally big mind of mine. I now know my worth and it's definitely more than my big body is is capable of. And this occupation starts today.